How the Internet Impacts the Lives of Its Users

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Impacts

Friendships
Internet Addiction
Romance
Cybersex
Marital Health
Family
Predators
Life In General 		Focusing on the negative aspects of the Internet has become a titilating thing to do in the media as the uses and corresponding abuses of the Internet have mushroomed. For example, stories abound about how predators have used this new electronic media to identify, locate and, in rare cases, carryout unspeakable acts against their unwary victims such as rape, kidnap and murder. In addition, we are continuing to hear more and more about Internet addictions and how this phenomenon is adversely impacting marriages and the lives of the user. Because of these factors and the adverse publicity they have received, there is a growing risk that the negative aspects of the Internet will overshadow the many favorable impacts that are continuing to evolve but which have received much less attention. With that thought in mind, this section attempts to promote a more balanced viewpoint by focusing on the more favorable impacts but with ample discussion of the downside. These impacts encompass social lives, marriages and significant other relationships, family dynamics, work life, health, and the users' lives in general. Within this section, Internet addiction, on-line romance, predators and cybersex are also discussed.

 
   

How has on-line impacted your social life besides family? (Survey Question 13)

There is no area within an Internet user's life that is impacted more favorably than the user's social life, according to the survey of America Online users. In this survey sample, 36 percent of the respondents indicated that the Internet impacted their social lives in a positive way. Only 4 percent felt that the Internet impacted their social lives negatively.

Question 16 further demonstrates just how powerful the Internet social factor is. The question asked is, "Which friends do you spend most of your time with: On-line friends or in-person friends?" 40 percent of the respondents indicated they spend more time with on-line friends than they do with their in-person friends. Just 22 percent indicated that the reverse was true. Men favor their on-line friends more strongly than women do, with 49 percent for men and 37 percent for women, respectively. Why this disparity exists is not apparent from this survey.

It is worth noting that many on-line relationships culminate in relationships in the face-to-face world. This fact is subtantiated by responses to questions 22 and 23 to which respondents indicated they have met in-person an average of 11.3 people from on-line and have become in-person friends with an average of 3 people they have met on-line, respectively.

The Internet as a Socializing Force

Based upon numerous discussions with Internet users and information obtained from other studies, the convenience of the Internet is a major reason people turn to it to facilitate their social lives. To put it in simpler terms, it is more convenient and less expensive to visit friends by sitting down at a keyboard in one's home than traveling to see friends face-to-face in more remote destinations.

A second factor is that the Internet vastly expands the universe of people from which friends are selected thereby increasing the probability that the user will find more people with whom they are compatible. In the absence of on-line, the universe of possible friends is pretty much confined to the people with whom the user works or interacts on a face-to-face basis. In contrast, through the Internet the range of people from which friends can be chosen encompasses the entire world (i.e., the total number of Internet users in the world today is estimated at 300 - 350 million). Thus, the Internet is a highly fertile ground for establishing and growing social lives.

A third factor accounting for heavy use of the Internet for social reasons is that the Internet offers an extensive array of convenient forums for facilitating social lives that have relatively few counterparts in the face-to-face world. These forums include thousands of chat rooms accessible to virtually anyone who has a computer and an Internet service provider (ISP). Some of the larger providers of chat room services include American Online, Virtual Places and Yahoo. In addition to chat rooms, the Internet also provides vehicles that enable users to communicate one-on-one with friends, prospective friends or family members throughout the world from the comfort of their own homes. These one-on-one vehicles include, among others, Instant Messages, Personal Messages, ICQ and Email which are normally encompassed within the services that also provide chat rooms.

The final factor is a phenomenon referred to as the extroversion factor. When asked, "How is your on-line personality compared to your in-person personality?" 22 percent of the respondents indicated they became more extroverted on-line where only 1 percent stated they become more introverted. Given these percentages we can conclude that for some people, most likely the people who are self-conscious or socially anxious in real life, the Internet has a built-in screen or safety net that allows these people to feel less self-conscious or anxious in social situations on the Internet. On the Internet, people who are interacting cannot see each other's shakey hands, blushes, uncoordinated expressions, girth, wrinkles, eccentricities or other things self-conscious people typically have concerns about. As such, they find it easier to engage others in conversations or discussions on-line.

Are Internet Friendships True Friendships?

Many non-users and even some users have expressed the belief that relationships that form on the Internet are not real since you cannot see, hear or touch these individuals. Moreover, because communications with cyber friends do not encompass our primary senses in the usual way, these people believe it is too easy to fabricate or cover up one's true identity or feelings. The argument concludes that such relationships are, for the most part, imaginary or empty in much the same way that our relationships with characters in video games are imaginary or empty.

In her book entitled, Caught in the Net (1998, page 116), Dr. Kimberly S. Young makes the following statement regarding relationships on the Internet:

But when you cling to the social presence of the Internet, you're clinging to nothing more than that presence. You're experiencing just one dimension of life, where you see and respond not only to a distorted image of the people you encounter...but also a distorted image of life.

In their responses to question 34, about 7 percent of the sample agree with this contention and another 18 percent contend that these relationships are real but superficial in nature. However, 56 percent of the respondents indicate that these relationship can be both real and meaningful. In formulating an opinion about the substance or authenticity of Internet relationships, it is important to keep in mind that the Internet is a form of communication that is capable of conveying as much information about an individual as telephones, photographs, written letters or even sign language. While these media may not be as efficient as communicating face-to-face, they nevertheless provide a valuable means of communicating substantive information about one's identity and feelings to those who are willing to use these media to their best advantage and to the best advantage of people they communicate with. To argue otherwise is tantamount to suggesting that the friends of Helen Keller were less real or more superficial than our in-person friends because she was unable to see or hear them. As Helen Keller and numerous other disabled individuals have established, the human condition has the incredible capacity to utilize abilities it has to compensate for abilities it does not have or limitations that have presented to it. And so it is with users who are presented with the less-than-perfect communications of the Internet.

America Online's Over Forty Group

An example of how social lives and friendships on the Internet can evolve can be found in the Over Forty chat room on America Online where over seventy regulars interact daily. Many of the people who participate in this chat room have been a part of the Over Forty family for as long as that chat room has been in existence (eight years). During that time, many friendships have evolved into even more deeply bonded relationships in the face-to-face world, including romances and marriages. Many of these people visit each other face-to-face on an ongoing basis and many in-person get togethers have been organized and held at various locations throughout the country including Macon, Georgia, Clearwater, Florida, Laughlin, Nevada, Chicago, Illinois, New Orleans, Lousiana, Atlantic City, New Jersey, and Phoenix, Arizona. In addition to the fun times, the members of this group provide support to each other on an ongoing basis when tragedies or hardhips occur such as divorces, ill health, deaths, employment problems or similar events. The strength of the bonds between these members can be seen in the tears and outflow of sympathy and other support that have gone to members of families when Over Forty group members have died. In Addition, media attention was given to this group when two of its members appeared on Good Morning America in 1998 to discuss the merits of on-line in general and of the Over Forty Group in particular. Thus, to the people who believe that relationships on the Internet are imaginary or superficial, a few visits to this chat room may change that perspective. On-line may present a different view of reality, but on-line is very real nevertheless.

Note: America Online is not affiliated with the Over Forty Group described above except to provide the chat services that this group uses to stay in touch.

Do you believe you are addicted to on-line? (Survey Question 15)

Nearly 1/3 of the respondents indicated that they are addicted to on-line. Since the survey itself does not provide any critieria for determining who is addicted and who is not, the responses were based on each user's personal judgment regarding what an on-line addition actually means. Assuming the people who believe they are addicted are, in fact, addicted and the ones who do not believe they are addicted truly are not, and we apply the above percentages to the number of Internet users in the United States, we find that approximately 30 million people in this country are addicted to the Internet and 30 million more will be addicted in one year.

Subcategories of Internet Addiction

Internet Addiction is a broad term covering a wide-variety of behaviors and impulse-control problems. It is important to understand that there are five specific types of Internet addiction as defined by the Center for On-Line Addiction:

  • Cybersexual Addiction -- addictions to adult chat rooms or cyberporn.


  • Cyber-relationship Addiction -- on-line friendships made in chat rooms, MUDs, or newsgroups that replace real-life friends and family, this also includes the issue of cyberaffairs.


  • Net Compulsions -- compulsive on-line gambling, on-line auction addiction, and obsessive on-line trading.


  • Information Overload -- compulsive web surfing or database searches.

  • Computer Addiction -- obsessive computer game-playing or to programming aspects of computer science, mostly a problem among men, children, and teenagers.

How is it identified?

Many studies have been conducted to determine the nature, prevalence, symptoms and consequences of Internet addictions. These studies indicate that the most important factor in determining whether someone is addicted to on-line is the extent to which on-line adversely impacts the lives of its users or the people who share their lives with the user.

Below are the criteria used by some Internet behavioralists and clinicians for the diagnosis of Internet Addiction Disorder (IAD). An IAD is a maladaptive pattern of Internet use, leading to clinically significant impairment or distress as manifested by three (or more) of the following, occurring at any time in the same 12-month period:
 

I. Tolerance, as defined by either of the following: 

A.     A need for markedly increased amounts of time on Internet to achieve satisfaction 
B.     Markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of time 
II.      Withdrawal, as manifested by either of the following:
A.     The charactieristic withdrawal symptoms:  
1.
Cessation of (or reduction) in Internet use that has been heavy and prolonged. 
2.
Two (or more) of the following, developing within several days to a month after Criterion 1: 
  • psychomotor agitation,


  • anxiety,


  • obsessive thinking about what is happening on the Internet,


  • fantasies or dreams about the Internet,


  • Voluntary or involuntary typing movement of the fingers
3.
The symptoms in Criterion 2 cause distress or impairment in social, occupational or another important area of functioning 


B.     Use of Internet is engaged in to relieve or avoid withdrawal symptoms 
III. Internet is often accessed more often or for longer periods of time than as intended
IV. There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control Internet use
V. A great deal of time is spent in activities related to Internet use (e.g., buying Internet books, trying out new WWW browsers, researching Internet vendors, organizing files of downloaded materials.)
VI. Important social, occupational, or recreational activities are given up or reduced because of Internet use.
VII. Internet use is continued despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent physical, social, occupational, or psychological problem that is likely to have been caused or exacerbated by Internet use (sleep deprivation, marital difficulties, lateness for early morning appointments, neglect of occupational duties, or feelings of abandonment in significant others)

Who Has It and Which Activities are Most Addicting?

In a study conducted by psychologist Kimberly S. Young, Psy.D., behavior of 496 heavy on-line users was compared to the clinical criteria used to classify pathological gambling as defined by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders - Fourth Addition (DSM-IV). Pathological gambling is considered the closest type of addiction to Internet addiction because it involves failed impulse control without involving an intoxicant. Subjects who were active Internet users and answered an ad were eligible for the study. Each subject was classified as dependent Internet users if they met four or more criteria that are substantial similar to the criteria listed above. Subjects that did not meet three or more of these criteria over a 12 month period were classified as non-dependent users.

According to Doctor Young, of the active Internet users who volunteered for the study, 396 (239 female and 157 male), or 80 percent, were classified as dependent users and 100 (54 female and 46 male), or just under 20 percent, were classified as nondependent users. This study revealed that those who were classified as dependent Internet users exhibited significant addictive behavior patterns. In addition, this study showed that the use of the Internet can definitely disrupt one's academic, social, financial and occupational life the same way other well-documented addictions like pathological gambling, eating disorder and alcoholism can.

Even though previous research found that men mostly developed technology-based addictions, the results of this study showed that the largest group of respondents who were most likely to develop an addiction to the Internet were middle aged females and those (both men and women) who were currently unemployed. This finding is reaffirmed by clinical research conducted by the Center for On-line Addiction which shows that demographics of Internet addicts indicate an average age of 29 for men and 43 for women.  Vocational backgrounds for Internet addicts are broken down as follows:  blue collar, non-technical white collar, high-technical white collar and none (i.e., homemaker, disabled, retired, students). This research shows that the group most likely to be addicted (42 percent of this sample) are people who are currently not employed outside the home which includes homemakers, disabled, retired or students. The graph on the left below shows the distribution of Internet addicts by vocational group. In addition, the research performed by the Center for On-line Addiction shows that chat activities (chat rooms, and Instant/Personal messages) are the most addictive on-line applications (32 percent of Internet addicts are addictied to chat activities).

Problem or Symptom?

According to a group of Ohio researchers, Internet addictions may be merely a symptom or manifestation of other psychiatric illnesses. In a small survey of 14 "addicted" Internet users, 72 percent met the criteria for bipolar disorder, the psychiatric illness formerly known as manic depression. Morever, over half had a lifetime history of either an anxiety disorder or a substance use problem, and almost as many had an eating or impulse control disorder, according to researchers affiliated with the Biological Psychiatry Program, University of Cincinnati College of Medicine.

"Indeed, on average every participant had approximately five specific psychiatric diagnoses in addition to their problematic Internet use," reported lead author Dr. Nathan Shapira. Although many of these patients did not see their excessive use of the Internet as causing any problem, "it was a significant stressor in their life, and many of their significant others certainly saw it as a problem," Shapira added. The average, non-work-related time spent on-line for the study was over 30 hours a week, but individuals spent as much as 100 hours per week on-line.

Impulse control disorders share common symptoms and similar treatments with bipolar disorder and as such, may be related. "Given the high rate of bipolar and comorbid impulse control disorders seen in this study, Internet addiction may be more accurately described as 'Internetomania'," Shapira commented.

Whether this disorder is distinct from or is a symptom of an existing psychiatric illness needs to be clarified. Some subjects did receive treatment for their underlying psychiatric illness, and "they did gain some (if not full) control over their Internet use."

Addiction or Just New Mode of Operation?

John M. Grohol, Psy. D., published an article on the Internet in December, 1999 in which he states that Internet use that is deemed to be excessive is not a new and unique disorder at all but just another way of dealing with life's stresses and strains. He says that what most people on-line who think they are addicted are probably suffering from is the desire to not want to deal with other problems in their lives. Those problems may be a mental disorder (depression, anxiety, etc.), a serious health problem or disability, or a relationship problem. It is no different than turning on the TV so you won't have to talk to your spouse, or going "out with the boys" for a few drinks so you don't have to spend time at home. Nothing is different except the modality.

Grohol goes on to say what some few people who spend time on-line without any other problems present may suffer from is compulsive over-use. But compulsive behaviors are already covered by existing diagnostic categories and treatment. It's not the technology (whether it be the Internet, a book, the telephone, or the television) which is important or addicting -- it's the behavior. And behaviors are easily treatable by traditional cognitive-behavior techniques in psychotherapy.

He believes that since the aspects of the Internet where people are spending the greatest amount of time on-line pertain to social interactions, it would appear that socialization is what makes the Internet so "addicting." Whether it's via e-mail, a discussion forum, chat, or a game on-line (such as a MUD), people are spending this time exchanging information, support, and chit-chat with other people like themselves. However, we would never characterize any time hanging out with real world friends, family members or associates as "addicting." Calling it a disorder because it happens on the Internet is merely an premature reaction to a novel technology or the media-popular thing to do.

Grohol adds that socializing -- talking -- is a very "addictive" behavior, if one applies the same criteria to it as researchers looking at Internet addiction do. Does the fact that we're now socializing with the help of some technology change the basic process of socialization? Perhaps a bit, but not so significantly as to warrant a disorder. Checking e-mail or voicemail is not the same as pulling a slot-machine's handle. One is social seeking behavior, the other is reward seeking behavior. They are two very different things, according to Grohol.

Note: Despite Doctor Grohol's contention, this researcher believes that gambling and socializing can be reward seeking behaviors, both of which can become addictive. The warm feeling of camraderie, security and personal affirmation that one can attain through socializing can certainly be considered the rewards of this activity.

According to Grohol, in addition to those discussed elsewhere, there is an alternative hypothesis that no research to date has seriously considered -- that the behaviors we are observing are phasic. That is, most people with "Internet addiction" are likely relative newcomers to the Internet. They are going through the first stage of acclimating to a new environment -- by fully immersing themselves in it. Since this environment is so much larger than anything we've ever seen before, some people get "stuck" in the acclimation (or enchantment) stage for a longer period of time than is typical for acclimating to new technologies, products, or services. Walther (1999) made a similar observation based upon the work of Roberts, Smith, and Pollack (1996). The Roberts et al. study found that on-line chat activity was phasic -- people first were enchanted by the activity (characterized by some as obsession), followed by disillusionment with chatting and a decline in usage, and then a balance was reached where the level of chat activity normalized. Grohol proposes a behavior model through which he believes both newcomers to the Internet as well as long time users who have found a new on-line activity pass through: from the enchantment phase, eventually to a phase wherein the novelty of the new activity has worn off at which point the number of hours logged on to the Internet for personal use decreases significantly until a new past-time or activity comes along. Millions of people have gone through precisely the process that Grohol describes with video games, their stereos, their cars, an interesting new class, taking up a new sport, citizen band radios, hanging out at the corner soda shop, games like Trivia pursuit or Dungeons and Dragons, and so on.

Thus, if respondents in the survey of on-line users who say they are addicted to on-line are indeed addicted, they are most likely addicted to chat activities, have the Cyber-relationship Addiction defined above and may have other accompanying or underlying problems such as bipolar or impulse control disorders.However, rather than being addicted to anything, they are probably just enjoying spending some time with friends using this relatively new electronic means of communication.

Have you ever been in love with someone on-line? (Survey Question 27)

Almost half of the respondents in this survey answered yes to the above question (52 percent of the men and 42 percent of the women answered yes). This is particularly interesting when one considers that over 70 percent of the respondents stated they are married. This information allows us to conclude there are a substantial number of married people who have found love on the Internet outside of their marriages. (A more in-depth discussion of how the Internet impacts marriages can be found under question 10 below.) In any event, what percentage of these individuals, married or otherwise, are on the Internet for the express purpose of finding love can be found in responses to question 8 to which 6 percent indicated the most important reason for them to be on-line is for romantic purposes. This translates to about 2.5 million users across the Internet within the United States.

The responses to question 18 further suggest that relationships with the opposite sex play an important part in on-line activities. In their responses, 40 percent of the respondents stated that their closest friends on-line are of the opposite gender, where only 11 percent indicated their closest on-line friends are of the same gender. This survey showed that men prefer on-line friends of the opposite sex more than women do, with 65 percent for men and 31 percent for women. Why this disparity exists is not apparent from this survey.

Question 26 sheds further light on the significance of on-line in facilitating relationships to which about 1/3 of the respondents indicated they have dated at least one person whom they met on-line.

Are these relationships real or imaginary? The discussion under question 13 above applies in most cases to this question. Further testament to the potential of on-line romantic relationships to become permanent offline relationships can be found in the fact that 3 percent of the respondents, or a total of eight, eventually married people they met on the Internet.

The Internet as Cupid

Is the Internet a good place to meet potential spouses? The answer to this question depends very extensively on the motivations and methods of the person seeking a partner. If the person wants to find out as much as they can about someone before making any commitments to a deep and lasting relationship, they will generally take the time needed to develop a comprehensive base of information containing the qualities and characteristics of the people they are considering. Similarly, if a person seeks other individuals based on vague or superficial factors, the success of making a choice within this framework can generally be seen in the quality of the relationship that eventually evolves from it. Thus, the attitude, objectives and habits of the user determine how successful an approach will be irrespective of the inherent limitations that approach might present. The effectiveness of the Internet (or the telephone, personal ad, dates, letters or videotapes) in helping someone identify suitable candidates for long term relationships such as marriage depends much more on the user than on the media within which they chose to communicate.

One of the things we depend on to give us a more complete picture of the person we are communicating with are non-verbal signals which include, among many others things, facial expressions, tone of voice or vocal inflections, body language, style of dress and general appearance (e.g., neat versus sloppy). When we try to learn about someone mostly or exclusively through the Internet, we have removed from the learning process most if not all of these valuable forms of non-verbal communication. Thus, it is very important for someone who is exploring a relationship using primarily on-line technologies, to supplement these technologies with a substantial number of face-to-face meetings so that the non-verbal factors can play a meaningful part in the education process, too. These face-to-face meetings could include dates on a recurring basis or activities of some sort (sharing holidays and birthdays or participating in other events of common interest) that effectively supplement ongoing on-line communications.

Learning to Love Someone from the Inside Out

Viewed from a slightly different perspective, the Internet presents a limitation that some people find advantageous. We have already noted the importance of being able to interact with someone on a face-to- face basis. However, physical qualities and habits can become silent barriers to developing a deep understanding of someone's inner character, especially if we allow them to. For example, too often in the face-to-face world, we are instantly attracted to (or repelled from) someone because of their physical qualities only to discover later that the physical qualities are not the kind of things that keep marriages or other deep relationships going in the long run. In other words, we were too mesmerized by someone's looks to pay attention to factors that have more importance in a long-term relationship. The kind of things that keep marriages going are the less visible qualities (such as honesty, temperament, patience, respect for others, kindness, intelligence, courage, willingness to forgive) that we don't see when we are so fixated on external appearances. In this respect, the Internet breaks down this barrier to give us a greater opportunity to explore these more important factors. In other words, the Internet gives us the opportunity to learn about someone from the inside out.

Cybersex

A study of the behavioral impacts of the Internet is not complete without a discussion of cybersex, a phenomenon that is a growing concern to Internet users and behaviorialists because of its increasing prevalence and controversial nature. This section attempts to answer the following questions regarding this phenomenon: What is cybersex, who engages in it and why, can it be addictive, and is it cheating? The information for this section was obtained from various Internet sites and the survey conducted of Internet users upon which this study is based.

What is cybersex?

A quick survey of Internet sites pertaining to cybersex will reveal that there is no single, universally accepted definition of this phenomenon. The broadest definition of cybersex is that it is any activity on-line that causes sexual stimulation. Viewing pornography on-line or engaging in sexual chat activities on the Internet for the purpose of creating sexual arousal would be included within this definition. For all intents and purposes, sexual chat activities are substantially similar to phone sex in which words or word pictures are used to cause vicarious sexual stimulation. Cybersex frequently includes masturbation at the time pornographic images are viewed or suggestive words are exchanged, or later. It can be a solo activity or engaged in by two or more people simultaneously in an interactive mode. Cybersex sometimes, but not always, leads to phone sex and/or in-person sex.

Who engages in cybersex?

A poll of 9,000 resondents conducted in 1998 by Al Cooper, a California sex researcher, and first published on MSNBCs web site, revealed that a growing number of women are turning to the Internet to explore their sexuality. While men generally outnumber women on cybersex sites by five to one, Cooper said more and more women were logging on.

"I call it the 'triple A' of the Internet--access, affordability, anonymity," he added. "It is a great place to go to try different things, where you can be safe."

Unlike men, who generally peruse the Net looking for pornographic pictures, women are much more likely to go to an Internet chat room for sexy talk, according to Cooper. "Men are usually more visual. Women want some kind of interaction," he said. "But their presence on the Net shows that women aren't really as alienated from cybersex as some people might think."

The survey also found that one in five people admitted to viewing cybersex sites while at work, and that almost three out of four said they kept secret from others the amount of time they spend on on-line sexual pursuits.

Cooper's survey found that more than 90 percent of respondents spent less than ten hours per week on cybersex. Overall, he said, about 8 percent of the respondents could be considered "cybersex compulsives," a rate of sex addiction only slightly higher than sexual addictions found in the population at large.

For most on-line participants, cybersex was viewed as entertainment rather than active sexual behavior.

Why do people engage in cybersex?

In the Center for On-line Addiction's (COLA) web site, the follow statements are made with regard to the rationale for engaging in cybersex: Gender significantly influences the way men and women view cybersex. Women prefer cybersex because it hides their physical appearance, removes the social stigma that women shouldn't enjoy sex, and allows them a safe means to concentrate on their sexuality in new, uninhibited ways. Men prefer cybersex because it removes performance anxiety that may be underlying problems with premature ejaculation or impotence and it also hides their physical appearance for men who feel insecure about hair loss, penis size, or weight gain. The Center for On-line Addiction believes people engage in cybersex, particularly when it becomes an addiction, because of its anonymity, accessibility and escape. I would add to this list of alluring factors, enjoyment and perceived safety.

The anonymity of on-line provides the user with a greater sense of perceived control over the sexual experience. Unlike face-to-face sex, a person can quickly change partners if his or her cyber-lover isn't very good or can log off after orgasm without any long good-byes. Within the anonymous world of the Internet, conventional messages about sex are eliminated allowing users to play out hidden or repressed sexual fantasies in a private lab without the fear of being caught or identified.

The accessibility of cyberporn and adult chat sites provides an immediately available vehicle to easily fall into cybersexual activities. Industry estimates that about 15% of all Web users logged on to the 10 most popular sex sites in the month of April 1998 alone. There are an estimated 70,000 sex-related Web site with 200 new adult web sites that include pornography and interactive chat rooms being added per day (Shwartz, 1998). The proliferation of sexually oriented chat rooms encourages a person's initial exploration. The availability serves to promote sexual experimentation among those who normally would not engage in such behavior. Yahoo and Excite (Virtual Places) are two of the larger on-line services whose vast collection of chat rooms provide some that are explicity oriented toward cybersexual activities.

Many people may believe that the primary reinforcement of the on-line sexual act is the sexual gratification received from the act. Sexual stimulation may initially be the reason to engage in cybersex, however, over time, the experience is reinforced through a type of "high" that provides a mental escape from or an altered state of reality. For example, a lonely woman suddenly feels desired by her many cyber-partners or a sexually insecure man transforms into a hot cyberlover that all the women in the chat room want. The experience not only provides sexual fulfillment, but allows a subjective escape achieved through the evolution of an on-line fantasy life where a person can adopt a new persona and on-line identity.

In addition to the aforementioned reasons, many people engage in cybersex because they find it to be an enjoyable alternative to face-to-face sex and/or exchanges of affection that does not present the risks of the latter, such as sexually transmitted diseases or unwanted pregnancies.

Is cybersex addictive? How can I determine if someone has a cybersexual addiction?

According to the Center for On-line Addiction, cybersexual addiction has become a specific sub-type of Internet addiction. It has been estimated that 1 in 5 Internet addicts are engaged in some form of on-line sexual activity (primarily viewing cyberporn and/or engaging in cybersex). However, as discussed elsewhere in this report, not all Internet addicts are addicted to cybersex. In addition, no evidence has been found to suggest that the rate of cybersexual addiction among Internet users is substantially different from the rate of sexual addiction in the general population.

While this study did not reveal any universally accepted definition of cybersexual addiction or diagnostic criteria for this addiction, the Sexual Recovery Institute, who works with sexual addicts and their families, has developed a checklist that is useful in determining whether someone has a cybersexual addiction. Their guidelines are as follows: If 1- 3 of these symptoms are found to be true, this may be an area of concern and should be openly discussed with a friend or family member. More than 3 positive answers would indicate the need to consider more professional counseling with someone trained in the treatment of addictive disorders and consideration of a 12 step support program. (Note: symptoms that apply to Internet addictions in general have been removed from this list)

1. Spending increasing amounts of on-line time focused on sexual or romantic intrigue or involvement.
2. Involvement in multiple romantic or sexual affairs in chat rooms, Internet or BBS.
3. Not considering on-line sexual or romantic "affairs" to be a possible violation of spousal/partnership commitments.
4. Failed attempts to cut back on frequency of on-line or Internet sexual and romantic involvement or interaction
5 On-line use interferes with primary relationships (e.g. minimizing or lying to partners about on-line activities, spending less time with family or partners).
6. Intense engagement in collecting Internet pornography.
7. Engaging in fantasy on-line acts or experiences which would be illegal if carried out (e.g. rape, child molestation).
8. Decreased social or family interactive time due to on-line fantasy involvement's.
9. Being secretive or lying about amount of time spent on-line or type of sexual/romantic fantasy activities carried out on-line.
10. Engaging with sexual or romantic partners met on-line, while also involved in marital or other primary relationship.
11. Primary focus of sexual or romantic life becomes increasingly related to computer activity (including pornographic CD ROM use).

Is cybersex cheating?

The question in the survey of America Online users is, "Do you believe that cybersex (on-line verbal intimacy) with someone other than one's current spouse or sweetheart is cheating?" 45 percent of the respondents answered yes to this question, 32 percent answered no, and the remainder either didn't want to answer the question or had no opinion. In a recent survey conducted on the Internet, out of 29,405 respondents, 49.87 percent believed cybersex is cheating where 50.13 percent believed it is not cheating. While this survey is not yet complete, current numbers indicate that the population is evenly split on the issue of cybersex and infidelity.

From a moral perspective, many people believe that cybersex with someone other than one's spouse is a form of adultery since it is a form of sex with someone other than one's partner even though there is no physical contact. Others believe it is cheating because it does constitute an alienation of affection of sorts. "Adultery is adultery, even if its virtual" according to Pamiglia Cristiana (Christian Family), a magazine close to the Vatican. "It is just as sinful as the real thing." The question of the morality of flirting, falling in love and perhaps betraying a spouse via the World Wide Web surfaced in the advice column of the June, 2000 issue of Italy's largest-circulation newsweekly.

On the opposite side of this question, many people contend that it is not cheating because it does not involve any physical contact. From their perspective, cybersex is no more adulterous than sexual fantasizing and fantasizing, in their opinion, is a natural and usually innocuous human tendency evolving out of reproductive or amorous instincts that should not be considered a breach of trust. Many who share this opinion believe that cybersex is no more or less adulterous than flirting.

Still others believe that a sexual act in and of itself, virtual or offline, should not be considered cheating unless the commitment or love toward one's spouse has been compromised. From their perspective, the physical act is not nearly as important as the degree of emotional involvement one may have with someone other than one's spouse.

The president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, John Quittner, indicated in the April 14, 1997 issue of Time magazine, p. 72, that there has been a notable rise in the number of divorce cases involving cyberaffairs. Future case law may help to further determine the extent to which cybersex is adulterous, at least in individual states. However, since matrimonial law is defined state-by-state, the law books may not provide much assistance soon in defining a legal standard that would apply to cybersex or cyberaffairs across the entire Internet.

If any of the above discussion does not provide the answers to the reader's question about cybersex and infidelity, the reader is encouraged to consider the following approach because it takes into account both partners' direct feelings in a committed relationship rather than an elusive universal standard that somebody else defines. That approach is simply having a dialogue with your partner wherein each individual expresses his or her feelings as to whether the act of cybersex (and perhaps phone sex) would consitute a breach of trust in this (and only this) relationship. It is important to keep in mind that this discussion is intended to examine each partner's feelings rather than serve as a vehicle for seeking approval. In this framework, if either or both partners believe it would be cheating, than it would be considered cheating in this relationship because it would violate the trust and expectations of at least one of the partners and that could jeopardize the relationship. Conversely, if both partners agree that it is not cheating, then, within the framework of this relationship, it would not be considered infidelity and would not violate the expectations of either partner regarding true commitment and intimacy.

How has on-line impacted your relationship with spouse or significant other? (Survey Question 10)

About 13 percent of the respondents believed that on-line is having a positive impact on their marriages (or relationship with significant other) whereas 21 percent believe these relationships are being hampered by on-line. The vast majority, about 2/3 of the respondents, felt that on-line was having no impact on these relationships. If we take all of these percentages into account, we can say that on-line is having a net negative impact on marriages or significant other relationships. Assuming these percentages apply to Internet users in general, we can say that about 19 million marriages or significant other relationship across the United States are being hurt in some way through the use of on-line by one or both parties.

Types of Marital Discord

In what ways are marriages being adversely impacted? Question 30 attempts to answer this question. These adverse impacts include the following in order of significance: Distance or tension, fights, affairs, separation, divorce and marital counseling. Three people in the survey sample stated that their (or spouse's) use of the Internet has led to divorce.

Cause or Symptom?

Question 33 was intended to reveal how the survey sample felt in general about the link between the Internet and unhappy marriages. About 30 percent of the sample believed that while the Internet may hurt some marriages, only marriages that were weak to begin with are damaged. Rather than causing marital problems, 37 percent felt that spouses turn to the Internet to fill a void left by unhappy marriages. Dr. Kimberly S. Young concurs with this finding: Cyberaffairs are "typically a symptom of an underlying problem that existed in the marriage before the Internet ever entered the couple's lives... therapists need to thoroughly assess and directly deal with underlying issues that contributed to the cyberaffair." Only 8 percent of the respondents felt that on-line does not hurt marriages.

Advice

Based on the findings of this survey, what advice can be given to married individuals or people involved in close relationships who are contemplating using the Internet? This advice is as follows: the Internet may damage these relationships if the relationship is already on shakey ground. If the relationship is not strong, the Internet absorbs the attentions of participants to such an extent that there may be insufficient time, energy or incentive to negotiate with a partner to strengthen the existing relationship. Even healthy partnerships can become strained when normal responsibilities within those relationships are ignored such as household duties, financial management, income generation, caring for dependents or managing one's health. In addition, a user may find it easier and more exciting obtaining appreciation from someone on the Internet than in working with a spouse to satisfy those needs, getting timely maintenance for the family car, caring for the yard, or attending recitals of family members. Viewed from these perspectives, the Internet can have the same impact on relationships as any other activities that become obsessive including gambling, drug use, alcohol or work. However, with the Internet there is an additional risk: because communications on the Internet are private, anonymous and convenient, the Internet promotes an increased risk of affective relationships forming outside of, and that are at odds with, the primary committed relationships in the face-to-face world.

Recognizing the Signs

In her book, Caught in the Net (1998, pages 124 – 127), Dr. Kimberly Young offers a list of symptoms that may suggest one's partner has become involved in an on-line affair. It should be noted that many of these symptoms are no different from the symptoms of an affair occurring in the face-to-face world and some may be symptoms that one's partner is simply overusing the Internet.

1. Change is sleep patterns. If your partner suddenly begins coming to bed in the early-morning hours, long after you're turned in, there's a possibility that a cyberaffair is underway. Similarly, if he or she sometimes leaps out of bed an hour or two earlier and bolts to the computer, a pre-work e-mail exchange with a new romantic partner may explain things.
2. Demand for privacy. If someone begins cheating on his or her partner, whether on-line or in real life, he or she will go to great lengths to hide the truth from the partner. Moving the computer to a more private location, changing passwords without telling one's partner or simply being secretive about what is going on on-line are all signs that greater secrecy is being sought.
3. Household chores ignored.. When any Internet user increases time on-line substantially, household chores are often go undone. Sharing chores often is regarded as an integral part of the commitment in a marriage or other intimate relationship. So, when a partner begins to invest more time and energy on-line and fails to keep up his or her end of the household bargain, it could signal a lesser commitment to the relationship itself – because another relationship has become between you.
4. Evidence of lying. Addicts of any kind lie to protect their habit, but those engaging in cyber affairs have a higher stake in concealing the truth, which often triggers bigger and bolder lies including telling you they will quit, stating they are using the Internet far less than the on-line billing statement suggests they are, saying that the erotic e-mail you found was nothing but kidding around or nothing serious, saying he or she is working on a project for work that ended a week ago, etc.
5. Personality changes. If a partner becomes withdrawn, more serious, cold, non-communicative, insensitive, aloof, or persistently defensive there is a possibility that he or she is engaged in a cyber affair.
6. Lost of interest in sex .Some cyberaffairs evolve into phone sex or an actual meeting, but cybersex alone often includes mutual masturbation from the confines of each person's computer room. Thus, when your partner shows a lesser interest in sex with you, it may be an indicator that he or she have found another sexual outlet.
7. Declining investment in your relationship.Those engaging in cyberaffairs no longer want to do fun things together or go out with you, even when their busy Internet schedule allows. They're having their fun with someone else, and their thoughts of the future revolve around fantasies of running off with their cyberpartner, not building intimacy with you.

One married couple found a way to use the Internet to improve their relationship. Historically, when they debated about anything face-to-face, they frequently lapsed into a reactionary mode in which heated emotions got in the way of reason. Since the couple could talk faster than they could think objectively, they frequently reacted to things in these debates based on gut level emotions as opposed to careful thought and tact. After much frustration in using this approach, they eventually began leaving notes for each other through Email. Because they could not type nearly as fast as they could talk (or shout), their minds had an opportunity to weigh both sides of the issue and compose their thoughts in a more deliberate fashion using Email. The net result was they were able to resolve many of the differences without resorting to the shoot-from-the-hip emotionalism that previously inhibited meaningful conflict resolution.

How has on-line impacted your relationships with family members besides spouse? (Survey Question 11)

21 percent of the sample indicated these impacts were positive where 12 percent indicated these impacts were negative. The remainder, about 2/3 of the respondents, said there were no impacts. Thus, this survey shows a slightly positive net impact on families excluding the users' spouse.

Initially, this impact is somewhat surprising because it would be easy to conclude that if marriages were impacted somewhat negatively (as this study discusses below), so would other relationships involving the user and members of the user's family. However, with other family members some examples show why this is not so surprising.

Thus, the Internet does create opportunities to enhance the quality of relationships within families.

Despite the benefits that families can attain through use of the Internet as described above, many other studies have revealed that on-line can also have a negative family impacts. For example, if a parent utilizes the Internet to such an extent that responsibilities toward other members of the family are ignored, the family is being negatively impacted. If a child utilizes on-line in a way or to an extent that household chores, health or academic activities are jeopardized, the entire family can be impacted, at least indirectly. If parents or children are exploited or in any way abused by people they meet on-line, the entire family can suffer.

In addition to these deleterious impacts on individual members of the family that can indirectly affect the entire family, there is another aspect of online use that could impact the family in a more general way. When television first became part of nearly every home in America, we were often led to believe that this new family member could eventually bring the family closer together as we look at those earlier images of families sitting around the television together watching such programs as Father Knows Best, the Ed Sullivan Show, Walt Disney or similar programs. Instead of that scene, today we find separate television sets in almost every room of the house including the living room, family room, bedrooms, dining room, workshop, den, kitchen and even bathroom(s) and garage. Instead of family members gathering together to watch programs of a common interest, they are more often found in separate rooms watching programs that nobody else wants to watch at that particular time (e.g., ESPN for dad, the talk shows for mom, MTV for the teenagers and cartoons or similar entertainment for the younger children). When television evolves in this direction within any given family, we can fairly state that television has pushed families further apart rather than brought them together. And so it is, or can be, with the Internet. In the decades ahead will there be a computer and modem in every bedroom dividing the attentions of the family? Instead of family members interacting with each other, will they be spending these times talking with others in the chat rooms or being absorbed into escapist activities on the Internet?

Whether or not the computer evolves into the divisive element that many people believe the television has become will be largely dependent on the role that parents allow the computer to play within the framework of the family. To put it another way, if we can consciously buy TVs and computers for the home, we can consciously ensure that these technologies are used to the best advantage of all family members by establishing and maintaining reasonable practices affecting our use of these technologies within our homes. The entire family will benefit if we do.

Have you ever been attacked, harassed, molested, threatened, kidnapped or in anyway harmed off-line by anyone you met on-line? (Survey Question 37)

There has been a shocking increase in the number of children exploited over the Internet who have become victims of rape, molestation and murder. In a recent article in the Philadelphia Inquirer, medical director of child and adolescent services at Friends Hospital, Suzanne Riess, was not surprised when she heard that a 15-year-old youth had been sexually assaulted by a man he met through America Online. In the last year, Reiss had admitted five teenagers suffering from emotional trauma stemming from on-line relationships. In North America alone, almost 800 children were abducted by Internet predators in 1998. In the past, predators have abducted children from schoolyards, parks and from the street. Today, predators have turned to the Internet to find their victims. Lurking in chat rooms, and monitoring on-line conversations, Internet predators have the ability to disguise their identities. Predators form relationships, showering a child with money, gifts and praise. By the time the predator suggests a meeting, the child leaves home freely, leaving no evidence behind. Children between the ages of 11 and 14 are generally targeted because at that age they are easily susceptible to advances and also use computers both at home and at school.

Enables Criminal Exploitation

With the increased use of the Internet for friendly electronic dialogue, the advancement of inexpensive scanning software and easy use of chat rooms, there is a logical increase in the potential for criminal exploitations.

Adults Can Be Victims Too

As the survey of America Online users shows, children are not the only Internet users who have been harmed by on-line predators or abusers. In their responses to question 37, 7 percent of the respondents indicated they have been harmed in some way by people they met on on-line. In their follow up comments to this question, such harm has included harassment, assaults and rape. If we apply the 7 percent to all users within the United States, the total number of people hurt as a result of Internet use would be 6 million or more.

Safeguards

As a follow up to these findings, the following safeguards are presented to help reduce the risk of being harmed by Internet predators. Many of these guidelines apply to children as well as adults who use the Internet.

1. Become more computer literate and Internet savvy.
2. Keep the computer in a "public" area in your house. Monitor your child’s computer use. Talk with your children about their on-line activities and their on-line friends. 
3. Check out parental controls available on your on-line service. Block adult chat rooms from your children. Block Instant/Personal Messages from people you don’t know. Install filtering/blocking software, or use a clean Internet Service Provider that filters at the server level. 
4. Do not let your children have on-line profiles, so they will not be listed in directories and are less likely to be approached in children’s chat rooms, where pedophiles often search for prey. If you want a profile or web page for yourself, ensure that it does not contain any information from which a predator could identify you such as your real name, children or spouses names, address, schools attended, place of work, phone number, social security number, license number, license plate number or any other identifying information. Carefully examine any pictures you use in profiles or web sites to ensure they do not include any detail which would enable a predator to determine your location.

(Note: 81 percent of the respondents in this survey indicated they have a profile; 10 percent indicated they have a web page.)

5 Tell your children to never "go private" into a private chat room.
6. Never give out personal information, to anyone you do not know well, through Emails, chat rooms, Instant Messages, bulletin boards or news groups including name, address, phone number, license number, license plate number or any other information that would enable a predator to identify you
7. Tell your children to never tell anyone where they will be or what they will be doing, and they may never meet someone from on-line without you. 
8. Never respond to rude or offensive e-mail, messages, or postings. Always refer such items to the service provider.
9. Do not allow your children to post, send or receive pictures on-line. Picture files end with GIF, jpe, or JPEG.
10. Monitor the amount of time your child spends on the Internet, and at what times of day. Excessive time on-line, especially at night, may indicate a problem. Time on the Internet is time taken from other healthy activities. 
11. Tell your children to let you know if anything seems strange to them, if they are asked personal ("what are you wearing" type) questions, or if their on-line friend invites them someplace. 
12. Changes in your child’s behavior (mention of adults you don’t know, secretiveness, inappropriate sexual knowledge, sleeping problems, etc.) may indicate a problem. 
13. Letting children use the Internet unattended, particularly talking in chat rooms, is the equivalent of dropping them off in Central Park and saying, "Go make some new friends." 
14. Never agree to meet someone from on-line unless you have performed a thorough background check on that person. Background information can be obtained through private detective agencies, the courts in some cases (if the person has a criminal record) and that person’s friends, family members or associates.  Only agree to meet someone in a public place such as a restaurant or busy shopping center.

How has on-line impacted your life in general? (Survey Question 9)

An overwhelming majority, nearly 75 percent of the respondents, believe that on-line is having a positive impact on their lives. A relatively small percentage, about 6 percent, believe on-line has adversely affected them. Even allowing a margin for optimism on the part of the respondents, there is a very sizeable percentage of people who believe their lives are better off because of their on-line experience.

As this study has shown, this overall positive assessment is accounted for by the fact that the people in this survey believe their social and family lives have been favorably impacted by their use of on-line. In addition, there are two other areas that respondents believe have been favorably impacted: their physical/mental health and their work lives. (Physical/mental health were only discussed from the aspect of addictions because the survey question associated with this topic did not allow a distinction to be made between mental and physical health; impacts on work lives was also not discussed due to time limitations. There is much food for thought about the impact of the Internet on work lives in the book, Caught in the Net, referred to in other parts of this study.)

In summary, the results of the survey used as the basis for much of this study are inconsistent with a large portion of the media hype that has been generated regarding the evils of the Internet and many of the publications on and about the Internet. Even if we assume that the respondents in the survey might have been somewhat optimistic about their online experiences, their responses still suggest that the negative aspects of the Internet have been given far more attention than they deserve in the media and elsewhere. This conclusion gives due regard to the fact that the Internet has some noteworthy downsides as discussed in this report. These downsides include impacts on marriages, on-line "addictions", and predator's activities. Moreover, although these downsides exist, there is little evidence to suggest that that darksides of the Internet are any more significant than the downsides other activities we spend much time on to entertain or busy ourselves or escape momentarily such as socializing, reading books, watching television, listening to our stereos, going to the movies, spending time at the club, engaging in hobbies or just plain napping.

Why so much negative attention? Because that is the current trend in the media due at least in part to the fact that this kind of attention sells newspapers and airtime, and satisfies much of the public's appetite for this kind of coverage. One only has to scan a newspaper or tune in for a few minutes to the news to see that, despites improvements that have been made within the media in recent decades, there is still disproportionate attention being focused on the darker things that are going on in our world. How often do positive events, such as heroic or charitable acts, and accomplishments due to honesty and hard work, get the attention that murders, rapes, political corruption, anti-trust activities, hurricanes, international conflicts, product recalls, white collar crime, strikes, executions and just plain gossip get, even though the former contribute much more to our lives than the latter? The answer is obvious and the answer to why so much media attention to the negative aspects of the Internet should be equally obvious: it sells.

The Internet will remain a positive force in our society to the extent that people use this new technology in responsible ways. Being responsible about the Internet means a user will not allow the cyberworld to steal his or her time and energies away from other more critical aspects of his or her life including families, marriages and other committed relationships, health, occupations and education. Responsible use of the Internet also includes being diligent about ensuring our children are using the Internet in healthy ways, the time they spend on on-line is reasonable and controls are in place to inhibit the darker sides of the Internet from victimizing them. It also means obtaining timely and appropriate help when the users or members of their families show signs of Internet "addictions" or other dysfunctional practices. Responsibility about on-line also means maintaining an objective view about where the Internet in general is going and, for the media and behavioralists, drawing fair attention to all aspects of this evolving technology.

by Martin V. Olson, JATMN
Freelance Researcher, Author and Webmaster

Comments can be sent to martyman53@aol.com

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